Concealing

Concealing what one is doing, accomplishing, life goals, desires, aspirations, and plans is an essential skill to possess for one's own success. Keeping things secret from anyone and anything, including those closest to you whose prayers you trust, is important.

To desire in silence, to have goals in silence, to plan in silence, to work in silence, to achieve in silence.

Because when plans being made emerge through conversation, even if only superficially and in passing, the energy of others can influence them. Unbeknownst, there are those who judge, who pass judgment, harbor distrust, project their failures, raise expectations, reject, disagree, suddenly become demanding and pressuring, give unsolicited and unnecessary advice, raise hopes—whatever it may be, that's energy that weighs down and can destroy what's being built. Even if it's already finished, let there be a pause to breathe, to feel the success of what's been accomplished, and to explore other opportunities first, before it's finally announced and moved on to another project or goal.

The ability to keep plans secret and quietly work to achieve them is one of the most advantageous life skills one can possess.

Self-Worth

Btw, value and self-worth come from within oneself. Just like the $20,000 bill, no matter how much insult it is subjected to—whether stepped on, crumpled, or even burned—its value remains unchanged. 

If people doesn't respect you, its not about you are unworthy. It's about them. Nothing effect to you except you allow it to damage your worth and your life.

Menghargai Diri

 

Menghargai diri sendiri baru dapat dilakukan, saat sudah mulai mampu menyayangi diri.

Menghargai diri, sesederhana tahu kapan harus meninggalkan suatu relasi (pertemanan, pekerjaan, romansa); tahu kapan perlu meninggalkan suatu tempat (komunitas, tempat tinggal, tempat kerja, tempat lainnya); termasuk mengenal kapasitas diri, menjalani hidup yang membuat bahagia, mengejar yang diri inginkan; berbuat baik pada diri dengan makan sehat, olahraga, tidur cukup, mempergunakan waktu diri dengan baik untuk kebermanfaatan dan keuntungan diri. 

Menghargai diri ternyata bagian dari menyayangi diri sendiri.

Dan dalam prosesnya, bukan berarti sejua berjalan mulus. 

Bisa jadi orang menolak diri, bukan karena diri tak layak, namun memang pilihannya untuk tidak memilih diri, dimana tidak ada hubungannya dengan diri, murni keputusannya.

Bisa jadi orang menolak diri, bukan karena diri kurang, namun ketidakmampuan ia menerima kapasitas diri dalam mencintai dan memberi. Atau sesederhaan "energi" diri terlalu besar dan intense untuk sebagian orang, memberikan sensasi tidak nyaman untuk mereka.

Bisa jadi orang menolak diri saat diri meledak dan mengkomunikasikan semua ganjalan di dada tanpa filter, karena mereka tidak mampu melewati barrier emosi diri, alias ya sudah dilepas saja, "bukan orang-orang kita". Karena orang yang mampu melewati itu tanpa ada asumsi, judgement, dan penolakan, tandanya mereka mampu menerima diri dan bisa melewati barrier emosi diri tanpa taking personally. 

Menghargai diri, tahu nilai diri.

Tahu kemampuan diri, kelebihan diri, kekurangan diri, kebutuhan diri, keinginan diri, hasrat diri, kelemahan diri, potensi diri, kapasitas diri, batasan diri. Termasuk percaya dengan diri sendiri (percaya intuisi diri, awareness, insting), dan menghargai segala ketidaknyamanan yang hadir, dibiarkan saja, di proses, dilepaskan, di dengarkan. Kadang ketidaknyamanan yang hadir, bisa jadi reaksi tubuh dan insting untuk menginformasikan sesuatu (kurang tidur, berhenti makan blabla, jauhi orang, jangan tantda tangan kontrak, dll). 

Menghargai diri, menghargai pilihan orang lain juga.

Jika orang/ suatu tempat/lingkungan tidak bisa menerima diri kita, ya lepaskan.

Jika orang/ suatu tempat/ lingkungan tidak bisa menghargai diri kita, ya jangan dikejar-kejar lagi

Jika orang/ suatu tempat/ lingkungan tidak bisa menerima kontribusi kita, ya tinggalkan

Jika orang/ suatu tempat/ lingkungan tidak bisa menerima ksaih sayang dan cinta tulus kita, ya tinggalkan dan cari orang/ sesuatu yang memang mampu menerima itu bahkan saling memunculkan rasa syukur. 

Menghargai diri, 

Baik secara fisik, waktu, jiwa, pikiran, spiritual, energi, dan lainnya.

Termasuk kemampuan memprioritaskan diri sendiri dengan perasaan layak tanpa ada perasaan bersalah apalagi bertanggung jawab atas kebahagian dan kehidupan roang lain dengan membuat diri berkorban, sulit, dan menderita berkepanjangan. menjadi prioritas diatas apapun. 

Terimakasih asshole-asshole, orang-orang/ perusahaan/ lingkungan self centered, manipulator, orang-orang harming abusif, orang-orang egois tanpa pernah memikirkan dampaknya apda orang lain, karena kalian telah mengingatkan dan mengajarkanku untuk menghargai diri sendiri. 

Terimakasih orang-orang/ perusahaan/ lingkungan yang menghargaiku (seen, heard, nurtured, empathy, open communicated, made a deal with respect each others, etc), kalian telah mengenalkan rasanya dihargai dan tanpa sadar mengajarkanku untuk menghargai diri sendiri. 

Flashback

Since the age of 3, I've been busy with school. After graduating from college and having my own money, I became busy with traveling. Whenever I had a little free time, I traveled. To the extent that a friend commented, "Every time I look at a map, I immediately imagine your face. You must have been here and there." Every time I met someone, they asked, "Where are you off to now?" During the pandemic, they commented, "Can't travel, huh?" There are moments in people's memories where I am associated with traveling, even though I'm not traveling anymore. It turned out that the root of my desire to travel was ancestral trauma, generations before me. When that was addressed, my desire to travel vanished. Gone.

Then, my energy flowed into sports: Muay Thai, gym. Intense physical activity triggered adrenaline, full of energy. It turned out that there was a herniated nucleus pulposus (estimated to have occurred 10 years ago during an examination). I shifted to meditation, healing, busy discarding "garbage," addressing trauma, etc. When many were healed, I started to open up, daring to express myself, partying from one place to another, socializing, feeling happy and joyful. And it couldn't be separated from physical activities (releasing excess energy, cardio). My social capacity increased, experiences directed towards self-love manifested in healthy relationships with myself, starting to establish healthy boundaries, becoming aware of many things, starting to include nurturing and nourishing people in my life; leaving behind things and people that were harming, abusive, destructive; starting to get comfortable with ease, abundance, love, respect, trust, vulnerability, taking care of myself, honoring myself, receiving kindness from others, asking for help, setting priorities, etc. Until a point where, whatever was chosen, there was something similar.

Everything led to the journey of spiritual self, to the process of maturity, wisdom, self-maturity, returning to the original self. More than just activities, there were so many experiences, observations, realizations, gratitude, that transformed oneself into a deeper and more conscious state.

Who knows what lies ahead (the future), from the journey until now, everything has brought about positive impacts and continuous self-development that continues to grow and expand.

Purpose

Saat kita memiliki tujuan, seperti memiliki maps, compas, dan arah tujuan.

Tau apa yang dicari, apa yang dituju, apa yang dibutuhkan, apa yang diprioritaskan, apa yang perlu diabaikan, apa yang perlu diurus, apa yang perlu dihindari, termasuk tau kemana arah energy mengalir. 

Saat ada tujuan, akan mudah untuk cocok dengan semua orang karena fokus pada tujuan. Termasuk memiliki boundaries yang sehat, tidak terseret drama orang lain atau di tempat berada, jeli melihat intention orang, memunculkan perasaan konten sehingga sulit dimasuki hal-hal yang merusak dan merugikan diri, tidak meributkan hal-hal yang tak menunjang sampai pada tujuan, tidak membuang-buang energy pada hal-hal yang tak relevant, jauh dari depresi dan ketidakbahagian, selalu ada semangat setiap bangun tidur dan mudah untuk tidur pada malam harinya. 

Secara tak langsung, tujuan memberikan manfaat pada jiwa, raga, mental, psikis, spiritual, dan kehidupan sehari-hari. Termasuk melindungi diri dari hal-hal yang berpotensi menyakiti dan merugikan diri beserta kehidupan. Tujuan pun membuat orang mengenali diri lebih mudah dan menarik orang-orang dan hal-hal yang memang diri butuhkan untuk sampai ke tujuan.

Tujuan, 

sebuah hal mendasar yang mengerakan seluruh kehidupan dari bangun tidur hingga hari-hari berikutnya sepanjang hidup. 

Bayangkan, jika kita tak memiliki tujuan, bingung dengan hidup, tidak tahu apa yang dimau dan dilakukan. Hidup hanya menjalani sebatas mengisi waktu atau lari dari ketidaknyamanan, memebenamkan diri dalam rutinitas dan kesibukan. Tak jarang akan mudah ketarik sana sini, ketarik drama orang, ketarik masalah orang, gampang kena manipulasi dan abuse, gampang dimanfaatin, gampang linglung dan dijadikan korban orang-orang yang ingin mengeksploitasi hingga diri struggle "mati"; tidak memiliki shield sehingga gampang goyang, terganggu, dan "dirampok", dll. Lalu waktu terus berjalan, penyesalan muncul, kebingungan bertambah, hasrta hidup berkurang, frustasi bertambah, masuk dalam depresi tak berujung, penyesalan melanda, penghakiman diri bertambah, hidup bagaikan tak hidup. Kosong. Hanya dijadikan keset, pijakan, tools, bahkan tumbal orang yang sibuk memajukan dirinya mencapai tujuan. Dan tak semua orang memiliki moral dan integritas yang baik dalam mencapai tujuan, sehingga saat tak memiliki tujuan lalu bertemu orang seperti itu, habis sudah. 

Tujuan,

Hanya diri sendiri yang bisa tau dan menemukannya, tidak bisa dibantu oleh siapapun. 

Karena tujuan memang personal setiap orang yang tergerak dari dalam batinnya masing-masing.

Sehingga ada api yang terus menyala untuk mencapainya, meski tak ada satupun yang "mendukung" dan "membantu" dan ada alasan untuk terus "hidup". 

Tujuan,

Tujuan mungkin berbeda dengan goal. 

Murni dari dalam jiwa, dalam jangka panjang.

Lonely

Loneliness isn't about quantity but quality. Upon closer examination, many factors contribute to loneliness. It's the absence of bonding, connection, feeling loved, feeling wanted, a sense of belonging, being misunderstood, rejection, bullying, and feeling secure. This can stem from external environments (even if just one person is capable of accepting, caring, being sincere, trusting, and nurturing) as well as from within oneself (acceptance, comfort, security, and unity with oneself).

Many super genius individuals feel lonely because there's no one who can truly understand them. They end up feeling alone, alienated, and often judged as strange, not okay, unstable, and rejected because of their brilliant minds. Similarly, intense individuals with high energy levels find that not everyone can handle or accept their energy (speaking passionately is seen as anger, being attentive is seen as having ulterior motives, genuine love is seen as too overwhelming, deep feelings are seen as overdramatic, deep thinking is seen as overthinking, being critical is seen as complaining, offering help is seen as wanting to take advantage, sincerity is seen as having hidden agendas, thinking about others is seen as selfishness, visionaries are belittled simply because others cannot see what they see far ahead, etc.).

Little things matter

Perhaps when we respond to people, They feel seen, heard, worthy.

As simple as liking a post they tag us in, liking their greetings/ congratulatory messages/ achievements.

Or just saying "hi" when we meet, smiling during eye contact. These small effortless gestures can mean something big and have a positive impact on others.

Perhaps picking up the phone for a moment to say "I'm in a meeting" 

and then hanging up can save the life of someone on the brink of suicide.

Perhaps asking "how are you?", "how's your life?" 

can make someone's life brighter, more optimistic, and raise great awareness in their lives.

There are so many small things that don't cost much effort,

but can be meaningful and have a big impact on others.

Contributing to others doesn't have to be limited to those we know and are close to,

everyone deserves the little things that matter.

Just Wondering,

Just wondering,

Do men marry truly out of love for their partner, or is it merely for their personal needs? (the need for a field of worship, the need for biological intimacy and sexual relations, the need and desire to marry and have children)?

Is the woman they marry truly the one they love wholeheartedly? Or is she someone considered suitable to take care of him, according to his financial budget, capable of accompanying his vision, capable of fulfilling his needs (biological/financial/social/etc.)?

For women married to someone they love and sleep with, is it the same person and only one? Or can they marry without any feelings, sleep together without any feelings, have a household only as a social duty, and still have other secret lovers who are never revealed and never married?

Do men marry purely out of love, wanting to nurture and care? Or is it all actually done for themselves? to avoid loneliness, to have someone to care for and watch over them again?

Is the love given, the affection poured out, purely for others? Or is it merely to fulfill their own need to love and care for others?

If everything is a choice, merely for fulfilling needs, and done for self-interest. Then what kind of woman is truly worthy and capable of accompanying without ever feeling hurt, betrayed, unbound, and still clear-minded?

3/5/24

Resentment festers when our own needs go unfulfilled, while we tirelessly cater to the demands of others. Yearning for recognition, validation, affection, and belonging, we grapple with our inability to appreciate ourselves, unsure of when to draw the line or fight for what we deserve.

Only when we learn to cherish our own worth and acknowledge our needs can we break free. Shedding the shackles of toxic relationships and self-neglect, we reclaim our power, leaving behind those who diminish us and embracing a life of self-respect and fulfillment.