Ramadhan #24

Previously, I wasn't aware that material possessions and lifestyle were important considerations in a relationship. It wasn't until I met someone who, during our first encounter, asked, "Where do you usually buy clothes? What brands do you wear?" I've also had acquaintances say, "Wow, you almost always eat at those places. Hopefully, your future husband will be able to afford to feed you." Back then, I considered these questions odd and the comments unimportant. It wasn't until 7 years later that I realized these inquiries were a form of assessing lifestyle, comfort, consumption level, dressing standards, and even measuring whether the person interested in me could provide for me.

Growing up in a highly independent environment, unfamiliar with patriarchy and the feminine energy (receiving), I was always accustomed to doing everything on my own—handling things alone, going places alone, dealing with sickness alone, solving problems alone, and even having a tendency to give without taking. It wasn't until a moment of realization that women are provided for, protected, and loved. In religion, there are four men responsible for one woman (her father, husband, brothers, and sons), for both worldly and afterlife matters. Women are honored in religion. Perhaps it's natural for feminine energy to emerge and flow healthily, one of which is the ability to receive. It's as simple as accepting assistance, attention, love, sustenance, and protection.

I used to think that if a woman had a need X, she should be able to provide for herself. Now, I believe that my partner should be able to provide me with X even if I'm capable of fulfilling it myself. How a man treats a woman ultimately reflects his own quality because not all women can receive. Not all women like to depend on others, be picked up, be escorted, have things paid for, be watched over, be accompanied, be protected, or be loved (even though they are capable of loving). I used to be like that. Until I started transforming by learning to ask for help, allowing myself to be assisted without feeling indebted, learning to accept what others give, feeling comfortable when someone pays, letting go of my independence little by little.

Ultimately, a healthy relationship is formed by many factors. Some of them include balanced feminine and masculine energies, how a woman's feminine side can emerge (even if she's very masculine: independent, working, aggressive, active, dominant, rational, controlling, etc.) and how a man's masculine side can emerge (taking initiative, leading, protecting, providing, taking action, being active).